1. About My "Silence"
When I am quiet in sessions, it is not because I have nothing to say. It is because I am afraid.
"My parents do the talking, but they are describing a mask I built to survive. They see 'Radya,' the quiet son. They do not see the chaos inside. If I speak the truth in front of them, I fear I will lose my safety."
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4. It's Not Just One Thing
I feel like I am managing multiple heavy conditions at once, and they overlap.
"It feels like I have 500% more disorders than a normal person. I have the Schizoaffective voices (which meds help), the BPD emotional crashes, the ADHD paralysis, and now I realize I likely have Autism (AuDHD) too. Please help me untangle this web, not just medicate the symptoms."
5. The Internal Civil War
My mind feels split into parts that are fighting for control.
"I have a 'Trinity' of protectors: The Mask (Social), The Analyst (Logic), and The Protector (Defense). They lock away my 'Core' self because they think they are dangerous. I need therapy that helps these parts talk to each other, not just suppress them. Right now, they are fighting a war in my head."
6. The "Normal Child" Guilt
My suicidal ideation is often driven by the guilt of not being what my parents ordered.
"I feel like a failed investment. My parents wanted a normal son, and I am trying so hard to be that for them that it makes me want to die. I stayed alive for them, but that fuel is running out. I need permission to live for myself, not just as a vessel for their expectations."
7. The Spiritual Conflict
I am a believer, but I feel rejected by my own faith because of who I am.
"I don't want to be a sinner. I want to be a good Muslim. But if 'following the rules' leads me to suicide, and 'accepting myself' leads me to life... surely God wants me alive? I need help reconciling this without hate. I refuse to believe God made me a mistake."
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